The Lying Problem in A Relationship

When we were children, our mother always told us NOT TO LIE. It was a bad thing to lie; it was not decent and proper either. But, today, it seems that more and more people are doing it. Lying without thinking the consequences. From your friends to your local political leaders, it looks like everybody is trying to extend the truth in order to make them either look better or to protect someone from harm. Is it true that-for example white lies, can be justified? How about in relationship? Can we enhance our level of relationship through lying?

The Definition of a Lie

However, lying is sometimes ambiguous in its application. People tend to make its meaning and connotation blurred. But in the simplest manner, lying is not telling the truth. Period.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t stretch the truth a little? Even, that doesn’t mean that you can’t lie a little? Lying is not just avoiding telling the truth as opposed to actually not telling it. If someone doesn’t tell someone something, are they lying or are they just avoiding telling the truth?

How about your own definition? Does everyone creating their own definition of a lie?

Probably, there is one truth about lying. Everyone has their own way of looking at it. In your relationship-serious one is better, what you and your partner feel about lying? How often do you notice it in your daily regular conversations? Do you have any tolerance when come to lying to your partner? Will you be okay with little lies or white lies? Do you think that the “justified” lies would be necessary in a relationship? Did everyone do it? In reverse, how comfortable are you when your partner had a stretch definition of lying?

The Question of Honesty and Trust in Relationship

As we know, lie can actually lead to another lie and another and another. It’s like a snowball effect. A little lies, or a white lies, can end up with further lies that is unable to say little anymore. By the end of conversation, it can seem like there are more lies than truths. And in that case, a relationship that uses little lies over and over again might not be as truthful as it seems. When you’re caught in one lie, you can start to seem as though you can not be trusted to tell the truth. In a relationship, this can be the beginning of the end.

Trust is somewhat essential in a healthy relationship. In your romantic and personal relationships, you need to have a sense of trust between each other. You need a guarantee that the other person will be there for you and that they will tell you the truth. And, only the truth. This is the case where little white lies become dangerous since lying begets distrust. A relationship that permits even a little lying can start to fall apart once concealed lies is exposed. For some part, it might not seem like a big deal to take an idea of little lies. But, as time goes by, a person would not feel bad anymore when “he/she had to” lying about something bigger than “usual”.

To Be Honest in All Subject? OK. This might seem idealistic view. But, even when it may be uncomfortable, the easiest thing to do in relationship to build trust is to start by unraveling any lies. I mean, “ANY”. Because anyone can caught up in his/her own lies, someway and somehow.

However, start telling your partner what you may have been holding back is never easy. To be honest is like a hard work in a relationship. But, being more truthful in the future is in no other word, WORTH IT. When your partner asks about rigid opinion, you can always say that you’re rather not say than lie about what you think. There is always other way…

Pic is "The Agony in the Garden", by El Greco